Sitting in meditation is not so much about achieving something or getting somewhere in your personal journey. It is the journey itself. It’s a way to stop all chatter and intentionally set yourself in a mindful state. All you really need to do is listening and paying attention. Don’t force anything, let it rise spontaneously. Letting go is the key here. Rather than pushing to get somewhere, we drop all tension both in our body and in our mind and we allow it happen. It is a transformative practice. It teaches us to be present to life just as it is, without any resistance, trusting, flowing with whatever we are presented with.
This quality of sitting and being with whatever is here, right now, in this moment, just as we are, teaches us to be present with others too. It is an apprenticeship, we do it over and over until it becomes natural to be still, to pay attention, to be present in a compassionate way. We let go of our tendency to change or fix whatever we don’t like. We don’t touch it. We let it be and listen to what is telling us. Nobody says it has to be pleasant. It can be very challenging, it can tap into our deepest triggers and push our patience to the limits. But if we overcome our impulse to intervene, to turn it into something else, if we leave it alone, we may discover that there is something more to it. Most of all, we start seeing that life has its time to deliver things and that our will to force things to become something when we believe it is time for them to do so, is not necessarily wise. Most of the time, actually, it is not.
Learning to be patient, to be with things right as they are is the best way to give ourselves and others space. Space to grow, to rest, to learn those lessons that this very moment holds for us and for others. Being patient is the greatest gift we can offer to ourselves and to those around us.Trusting that we have the resources and the wisdom to overcome all difficulties and learn from our own mistakes, can teach others to have faith in themselves. When we trust the process of life we are saying yes to our ability to adjust to every situation in the most natural way, we give ourselves permission to record and then put into action whatever we are learning through this present experience.
The more we learn to be patient with ourselves, the more we can be patient with others. The more we trust our potential to awaken, the more we are able to support and attend the awakening of others. That’s what makes of a teacher a guide, someone who shows you the way but doesn’t force you to do it in their way and their time. Someone who is there to attend your blossoming, in your own time and at your own pace and who patiently helps you rise when you fall, reminding you that freedom is possible and that it is your personal choice how and when committing to your journey towards it.
No Truth, no Lotus
Truth is always relative. It has different shades and layers according to whom is reading the situation. Each of us have our own unique universe of thoughts, beliefs, emotions, conditions and experiences which are constantly shaping who we are and how we relate to what happens to and around us. In front of the same situation two people might get different inputs and interpret them in a complete different way, each holding their own version of what is happening or happened.
Even so, taking responsibility for our own truth, for what we feel and think and express it clearly is essential to our growth, also baring in mind that how we choose to deliver it to others, can deeply impact our and their life. Yet, once we have chosen a skilful way to speak, we shouldn’t hold back because of fear of judgements or future consequences.
The ability to stick to who we are in all circumstances and honestly express what we are willing to say is a sign of emotional maturity. It is so if once we have asked ourselves all the right questions we are firmly convinced that stepping out of our comfort zone and speaking out is worth it. Maybe it can be of benefit to the person or people involved, maybe it will leave a little to think over to those coming after.
Whichever the reason behind our choice to speak our truth, it is an essential part of taking responsibility for our happiness and freedom which applies to all fields, from the least to the most important, starting from our inner circle of friends and relatives up to our world leaders. Once we decide that we are entitled to speak out and deliver our truth, there is no distinction in terms of which circumstances are more eligible than others. We can even start from our daily life by expressing ourselves kindly when we don’t like a certain attitude or the way someone is treating us or the people near us.
If the person in front of us is self conscious, it won’t take them long to acknowledge the situation and clarify. In the same way, if the person involved won’t like our frankness, we can always take a long breath and let go, since we acknowledge there’s no ground for any real communication yet. We can rely on our equanimity and decide that the situation is not worth our effort any longer right now and drop our anger or resentment for the sake of peace of mind.
Yet, saying what we think and acting according to it has become less and less common. If we investigated the reason behind such an epidemic attitude, the answer would probably be FEAR. Fear of losing appreciation, jobs, friends, power. Fear of not being so lovable and nice as others thought we were. Fear of losing control, fear of expressing and showing our vulnerability to others.
I am pretty sure that, especially in the realm of relationships, everything would be much easier if we trained ourselves to speak truthfully from our heart instead of holding back or avoiding confrontation. We would save ourselves time and energy.
Communication and communion have the same etymological root. To communicate truly we need to be tuned on the same frequency of the person we are talking to, to be “in communion” with them. It requires effort and intention, it is a mindful choice. Being present and making space inside of us to fully listen to what the other person is saying can be a challenging exercise. We need to drop our Ego and willingly welcome the content of what is being told to us from a deeper place within, avoiding our usual reactive patterns.
We also need to be able to look beyond all words when the other person is struggling to say what they want, try giving them space and time to open up to us completely and the same should be offered to us when we are the ones delivering our truth.
Without such a common ground there’s no real relationship. There’s just the encounter of two people, sharing daily activities and pleasures. Not much more to it. No surprise if after a while we start feeling dissatisfied , unhappy or bored and go looking for something else, something new. To simply start the whole process again, probably. Until the day, may it ever come, that we wake up and ask ourselves why. Why we are not able to build a real, deep communication with the people we love and care about.
A basic and skilful question to ask ourselves could be : Do l have time to love well? Am l available to put attention and time in this relation? Am l ready to open up, to be truthful and to also make room for someone else’s truth?
No mud, no Lotus, Eastern teachers say.
Most of the times we need to face a lot of unpleasant and uncomfortable truths before we can really blossom. Yet, without those painful stages we wouldn’t reach our highest potential. We would be a sad compromise of who we really are , just for the sake of avoiding all efforts and suffering.
But isn’t it way more painful crossing this life with no passion, no drive, without giving voice to who we are and what really matters to us? Is being with someone and feeling disconnected, isolated the real purpose of a relationship?
Is the comfort and the illusion of some company worth our lack of communication, our disposable happiness, our inauthentic living?
Truth sets us free. No matter the price we might pay to shape our life around it. No matter the loneliness, the struggles, the risks.
“Your life is life / Know it while you have it”, says Bukowski in one of his poem.
I couldn’t agree more with Charles on that.